Fathers and Masculinity

This Sunday is Father's Day, and I promised I would write something about dad's, as I'd done a piece about mom's back in May. One's relationship with this authority figure can be fraught with much turmoil. Often dads are not emotional or outgoing, and it's difficult to know what they are really feeling inside. They can be men of few words, so the only feedback we may receive may feel more like criticism or judgment. Many dads work long hours and spend little time with their children; this can impede forming a close relationship, as the father can miss out on all the "little" things that are so important. It wasn't until I was well into my 30's when I made peace with the man my father is. He is an engineer, and sees the world in very precise ways. I have learned to appreciate his perspective, and also to understand how he communicates his deep love for his children. I know that I can differ in my opinions and do so without malice or bitterness, though that wasn't always the case. I often felt threatened by his "force of will".

Fathers represent the masculine aspect, or animus in Jungian terms. The outwardly projected authoritative force, strong, focused, determined, discriminating, action-oriented, competitive, etc. We've all heard about the brain studies that show that men communicate differently than women because there is less communication between brain hemispheres. I know I am generalizing here, because many of the men I know are good communicators! They see things differently than I do, but it's not better or worse. We can each learn from the other gender how to be more whole.