It's Okay to Not Know the Answers

Imagine that you are sitting comfortably at the feet of a wise old teacher. You are amidst others who are also there to listen to the words of this sage. The wind wafts around you, carrying the sweet scent of the trees and grasses. The wise old sage speaks. It is Rabbi Yannai, one of the "fathers" in the Pirke Avot:

"It is not within our grasp to explain
the prosperity of the wicked
or the suffering of the righteous.
All we are called upon to do
is to act justly ourselves.

Reality is more complex than we would like.
If we insist upon it making sense,
we will find ourselves despairing.
Reality cannot be neatly packaged,
bound with the ribbon of morality.
Reality is greater than our ideas of good and evil;
Reality is beyond our right and wrong.
Reality is all that is, and this is often at odds
with what we imagine it should be.

Where we can stand up for justice, let us act.
Where we are confounded by Truth,
let us keep silent" (IV:19)

There is much commentary that I found online regarding the first part of this passage, which you can read at your leisure. It speaks to the fact that life isn't "fair" and chaos is the order of the world, yet we still have an obligation to carry on "justly" as if it all does make sense. Why do good people suffer, and why does it seem that some people experience more tragedy and hard times than others? It's part of the Mystery of Reality. In our own small minds, we cannot possibly grasp the answers to these "why's" but that doesn't mean we are totally powerless in our actions.

In the last section, we are commanded to act where we must to right a situation if we are able. In keeping silent, perhaps our words may not help the situation, but other actions might. I am reminded of the practice of sitting shiva, the 7-day period of mourning, when one visits the home of the deceased. It is supposed to be a time of quiet thought, to hold the sacred space with the family, to be there with heartfelt prayer, not communicating out loud until the mourner wishes to speak. Often, we are at a loss for words, and that is ok. Maybe our words wouldn't help, but our actions of reaching out silently from our hearts, with a touch, or a hug, are all the action that is necessary.
If you are wondering why your life is full of suffering, even if you can guess at the "why" and do something about it, just know that there doesn't have to be an answer, but to do what you can to reach out to improve your life (acting on the justice), and hold your self, your heart, your soul in reverent silence and prayer to bring yourself out of your despair. It's ok to not know the answers, it's ok to let it remain a mystery. It's also very ok to take care of yourself in order to regain your strength and courage.