Today I received a distressing email from a very dear friend about her young son. Their names have been on the prayer list for a long time now, so that is a good thing. Her note made me want to jump on a plane to go out to see her, but that was just a wish. There's not much I can do about the situation, other than pray for her, and her family. I felt so powerless. The nagging feeling of being not in any control of the situation by any stretch of the imagination bogged me down all afternoon. On my way home from work, I pondered the facts and my hopes, wishes and feelings, and realized I just had to let go. It's not in my hands, I just have to trust that they will get through this (and they will). I can lend her moral support and a shoulder to cry on, but being a continent away, that's about all I can do. If we lived closer, I'm not sure what more I could do other than physically be there for her...
Why is it so very, very easy for most of us to get caught up in hoping to find the solution, so that suffering is minimized and life happily goes on when things get really complicated and painful? Who are we to take on that role of savior? Who are we to feel that we are all powerful and can fix it? I kept reminding myself that God brought them to this, God will get them through this. The only thing I can do is offer my heartfelt support. I thought that even if I had alot of money and could send it to them to cover the expenses, that could somehow change the balance of our friendship and what would I really be accomplishing? We are all given our burdens to get through, and as we make our way through them, over the bumps and twists and turns, we grow stronger, and our souls grow more refined.
It's not that I welcome struggle.... but I know there is treasure to be found deep inside the pain, once I can find my way to it.
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Enough is Enough... but it's not over yet.
This has been a rather stressful week for me, and it seems to be centering on the fact that things that seem so close remain out of reach. The timing is just not right, the planets are not quite aligned.... Whatever it is, I am feeling like I did when I was over 9 months pregnant with my son, when the ending seemed so within reach, yet it wasn't the right time. Expectancy is high, energy is high, but it's a tense kind of energy that is jagged and not joyful. It is not even a matter of wanting to control the situation, but of realizing that no matter how hard I pray, it's just not happening in my time frame, for whatever the reasons.
Here in the northeast, we continue to be bombarded with winter, cold, wind, snow, mess... I have had ENOUGH! It has caused enough havoc in my life, and I want it to be over with! Not so, as we are about to be hit with another storm. Do I collapse in a crazy fit of hysterical laughter, totally unable to muster up the energy to keep at it? Do I give up? How much "surrendering to the flow" is enough? What happens when one is at the breaking point? When all the energy one has isn't enough?? A-ha! That is when the good stuff really happens, you know. That's the broken vessel finally letting in the light. And just when I thought I was keeping things in balance, keeping myself in balance, expending lots of energy to do that, that's when MAJOR CHAOS steps into the dance. What is the choice that you make when whatever you have been doing falls short and you are met with BIG CHANGE staring you square in the eyes, and you feel that you have no strength left?
Here in the northeast, we continue to be bombarded with winter, cold, wind, snow, mess... I have had ENOUGH! It has caused enough havoc in my life, and I want it to be over with! Not so, as we are about to be hit with another storm. Do I collapse in a crazy fit of hysterical laughter, totally unable to muster up the energy to keep at it? Do I give up? How much "surrendering to the flow" is enough? What happens when one is at the breaking point? When all the energy one has isn't enough?? A-ha! That is when the good stuff really happens, you know. That's the broken vessel finally letting in the light. And just when I thought I was keeping things in balance, keeping myself in balance, expending lots of energy to do that, that's when MAJOR CHAOS steps into the dance. What is the choice that you make when whatever you have been doing falls short and you are met with BIG CHANGE staring you square in the eyes, and you feel that you have no strength left?
We Don't Suffer Alone
This week felt like a total uphill battle for me. I finally got the message that I don't have to suffer alone, and went outside to lie down on the grass yesterday, under the bright spring sunlight, not a cloud in the blue vastness of sky. Spreading my body upon the earth, I just gave it up. Gave up all the pain, both physical and emotional, gave it up to the One Who Listens.
I know we all get in our own way often, and fortunately, nothing horrendous happened to wake me up to the fact that Adonai is always before me (and under, over, and around me)... Sh'viti.
I think I'm going to head back out there and let the birds soothe me, and the breezes purge me, and just feel lighter and more open.
I know we all get in our own way often, and fortunately, nothing horrendous happened to wake me up to the fact that Adonai is always before me (and under, over, and around me)... Sh'viti.
I think I'm going to head back out there and let the birds soothe me, and the breezes purge me, and just feel lighter and more open.
Unity in Heart and Mind
The Baal Shem Tov, one of Judaism's greatest teachers writes, "Where your thought is, precisely where you are--all of yourself is there." When we are lost, in despair, in pain, our first thought is often of that pain, and of being fully engulfed in it. Contrastingly, when one is joyful, we are fully engulfed in our joyfulness, because of what we are thinking about our experience. How powerful our thoughts are! We have the power to overcome the negative thoughts by thinking other more positive thoughts. (obviously if a person is in dire need of medication to lessen the pain, by all means, administer it). During times of great stress to the body, spirit, or mind, it is so important to take the time to put ourselves into beautiful places, if only in our minds. Use whatever supports are at hand, whether they be people who can soothe us with massage, or singing, or laughter, or even reading to us. Play calming music, imagine places in nature that are calming, do what it takes to bring joy and light into the darkness. It is not ignoring our responsibilities to escape the pain for a little while, but instead, we are giving ourselves blessed permission to rest and recuperate, and gather our energies towards recovery.
HaShem never gives us anything more than we can handle, even if we don't always believe it at first glance. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov states that God hides in the obstacles on our journeys, and waits to be discovered.
HaShem never gives us anything more than we can handle, even if we don't always believe it at first glance. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov states that God hides in the obstacles on our journeys, and waits to be discovered.
Finding Purpose in Suffering
In Hebrew, the word for "Illness" is Makhlah. When you rearrange the Hebrew letters from this root word what results is a telling list of new words:
Kholeh - one who is ill
Khalom - dream
Lekhem - bread
Khalee - sweeten
Makheel - beginning
Khel - (apply) bulwark
Chaiyel - warrior
Melchamah - battle
Makhol - dance
Khemlah - compassion, pity
Mekheelah - forgiveness
Chalah - dough offering
Lakh - moist
Lakhem - connect
When one is ill (and here I mean when one is experiencing a time of physical, emotional and/or mental challenge), makhlah, often one has dreams about how to deal with that illness. The illness often becomes "bread" to sustain us, in that we find meaning and purpose in the obstacle that is facing us. This new information may bring "sweetness" to our lives, and often becomes the beginning for a new phase of our growth. Often in illness we need to be a warrior and face the battle by applying the bulwark of our strength (even when that comes from others prayers and compassion). We dance the dance of this new phase of our lives and often that means forgiving ourselves, or others and making peace with things. We may use our new knowledge as an offering to HaShem, being thankful for the challenges we are able to meet, and for the abundance ever-present in our lives. Illness can connect us to others, and to deeper aspects of ourselves when we allow its "moisture" to enter us and cleanse us, as we soften the places where we are too hard and unyielding. Use these words as a basis to come up with your own meanings for the challenges you may now be facing.
There is much more to this in Rabbi Gershon Winkler's book on Jewish Shamanic Healing called Magic of the Ordinary.
Kholeh - one who is ill
Khalom - dream
Lekhem - bread
Khalee - sweeten
Makheel - beginning
Khel - (apply) bulwark
Chaiyel - warrior
Melchamah - battle
Makhol - dance
Khemlah - compassion, pity
Mekheelah - forgiveness
Chalah - dough offering
Lakh - moist
Lakhem - connect
When one is ill (and here I mean when one is experiencing a time of physical, emotional and/or mental challenge), makhlah, often one has dreams about how to deal with that illness. The illness often becomes "bread" to sustain us, in that we find meaning and purpose in the obstacle that is facing us. This new information may bring "sweetness" to our lives, and often becomes the beginning for a new phase of our growth. Often in illness we need to be a warrior and face the battle by applying the bulwark of our strength (even when that comes from others prayers and compassion). We dance the dance of this new phase of our lives and often that means forgiving ourselves, or others and making peace with things. We may use our new knowledge as an offering to HaShem, being thankful for the challenges we are able to meet, and for the abundance ever-present in our lives. Illness can connect us to others, and to deeper aspects of ourselves when we allow its "moisture" to enter us and cleanse us, as we soften the places where we are too hard and unyielding. Use these words as a basis to come up with your own meanings for the challenges you may now be facing.
There is much more to this in Rabbi Gershon Winkler's book on Jewish Shamanic Healing called Magic of the Ordinary.
Chaos and Response
The past few months, I have been attending a class called "Reading the Writings" where we dissect and understand the Ketuvim, the selections at the end of the Torah. This past week, we focused on Ecclesiastes and Lamentations. Both focused on the cycle and flow of life. The ups and downs, ins and outs. It seems that no matter how much knowledge, wisdom, health, or money we may have, shift happens. Chaos is the order of the world, I always say. We can be the most healthy, wealthy, and wise, it doesn't matter, there will occur some event that reminds us we are mortal and no better than the next person.
Now, not to get depressed about all this, the message seems to be to just take each moment as it comes, and enjoy what we can in this one life we have been given. Hineni, Here am I, means to be fully present in each moment, no matter the shift going on in our life at that moment. One kind cyber-friend from this list wrote me about the line in our prayers "the lost among the living" and we know many of those people, have even been there ourselves, when we are the lost souls.... some major shift happens in our life, and we are unclear how to respond, or don't know how to respond, and walk around in a fog, or worse, treat the pain we are experiencing with an addictive behavior. When the world throws us a curve ball, how we respond makes all the difference. I am hoping each one of us can be in that Hineni moment and meet the challenge with God-given strength and find the anchor that we need.
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Now, not to get depressed about all this, the message seems to be to just take each moment as it comes, and enjoy what we can in this one life we have been given. Hineni, Here am I, means to be fully present in each moment, no matter the shift going on in our life at that moment. One kind cyber-friend from this list wrote me about the line in our prayers "the lost among the living" and we know many of those people, have even been there ourselves, when we are the lost souls.... some major shift happens in our life, and we are unclear how to respond, or don't know how to respond, and walk around in a fog, or worse, treat the pain we are experiencing with an addictive behavior. When the world throws us a curve ball, how we respond makes all the difference. I am hoping each one of us can be in that Hineni moment and meet the challenge with God-given strength and find the anchor that we need.
********************************
It's Okay to Not Know the Answers
Imagine that you are sitting comfortably at the feet of a wise old teacher. You are amidst others who are also there to listen to the words of this sage. The wind wafts around you, carrying the sweet scent of the trees and grasses. The wise old sage speaks. It is Rabbi Yannai, one of the "fathers" in the Pirke Avot:
"It is not within our grasp to explain
the prosperity of the wicked
or the suffering of the righteous.
All we are called upon to do
is to act justly ourselves.
Reality is more complex than we would like.
If we insist upon it making sense,
we will find ourselves despairing.
Reality cannot be neatly packaged,
bound with the ribbon of morality.
Reality is greater than our ideas of good and evil;
Reality is beyond our right and wrong.
Reality is all that is, and this is often at odds
with what we imagine it should be.
Where we can stand up for justice, let us act.
Where we are confounded by Truth,
let us keep silent" (IV:19)
There is much commentary that I found online regarding the first part of this passage, which you can read at your leisure. It speaks to the fact that life isn't "fair" and chaos is the order of the world, yet we still have an obligation to carry on "justly" as if it all does make sense. Why do good people suffer, and why does it seem that some people experience more tragedy and hard times than others? It's part of the Mystery of Reality. In our own small minds, we cannot possibly grasp the answers to these "why's" but that doesn't mean we are totally powerless in our actions.
In the last section, we are commanded to act where we must to right a situation if we are able. In keeping silent, perhaps our words may not help the situation, but other actions might. I am reminded of the practice of sitting shiva, the 7-day period of mourning, when one visits the home of the deceased. It is supposed to be a time of quiet thought, to hold the sacred space with the family, to be there with heartfelt prayer, not communicating out loud until the mourner wishes to speak. Often, we are at a loss for words, and that is ok. Maybe our words wouldn't help, but our actions of reaching out silently from our hearts, with a touch, or a hug, are all the action that is necessary.
If you are wondering why your life is full of suffering, even if you can guess at the "why" and do something about it, just know that there doesn't have to be an answer, but to do what you can to reach out to improve your life (acting on the justice), and hold your self, your heart, your soul in reverent silence and prayer to bring yourself out of your despair. It's ok to not know the answers, it's ok to let it remain a mystery. It's also very ok to take care of yourself in order to regain your strength and courage.
"It is not within our grasp to explain
the prosperity of the wicked
or the suffering of the righteous.
All we are called upon to do
is to act justly ourselves.
Reality is more complex than we would like.
If we insist upon it making sense,
we will find ourselves despairing.
Reality cannot be neatly packaged,
bound with the ribbon of morality.
Reality is greater than our ideas of good and evil;
Reality is beyond our right and wrong.
Reality is all that is, and this is often at odds
with what we imagine it should be.
Where we can stand up for justice, let us act.
Where we are confounded by Truth,
let us keep silent" (IV:19)
There is much commentary that I found online regarding the first part of this passage, which you can read at your leisure. It speaks to the fact that life isn't "fair" and chaos is the order of the world, yet we still have an obligation to carry on "justly" as if it all does make sense. Why do good people suffer, and why does it seem that some people experience more tragedy and hard times than others? It's part of the Mystery of Reality. In our own small minds, we cannot possibly grasp the answers to these "why's" but that doesn't mean we are totally powerless in our actions.
In the last section, we are commanded to act where we must to right a situation if we are able. In keeping silent, perhaps our words may not help the situation, but other actions might. I am reminded of the practice of sitting shiva, the 7-day period of mourning, when one visits the home of the deceased. It is supposed to be a time of quiet thought, to hold the sacred space with the family, to be there with heartfelt prayer, not communicating out loud until the mourner wishes to speak. Often, we are at a loss for words, and that is ok. Maybe our words wouldn't help, but our actions of reaching out silently from our hearts, with a touch, or a hug, are all the action that is necessary.
If you are wondering why your life is full of suffering, even if you can guess at the "why" and do something about it, just know that there doesn't have to be an answer, but to do what you can to reach out to improve your life (acting on the justice), and hold your self, your heart, your soul in reverent silence and prayer to bring yourself out of your despair. It's ok to not know the answers, it's ok to let it remain a mystery. It's also very ok to take care of yourself in order to regain your strength and courage.
Everything Happens for a Reason
On this list, we deal with joy as well as suffering. Our prayers bring comfort to our loved ones, and we hope the fact that we are all joined in this together helps to ease their suffering. Our work is healing work, and that brings me to mention a book I have been reading about healing, called Everything Happens for a Reason by Mira Kirshenbaum. She is a psychotherapist from Massachusetts who has helped many people find the meaning in their pain and suffering. It has always been my belief that inside one's greatest pain is one's greatest gift. Perhaps you grew up with "less than ideal" parents, or in a horrible living situation. Or, you're dealing with a health crisis right now, or some other life-changing event has occurred. How we face such circumstances can make us stronger, wiser, happier, and closer to realizing our soul's true purpose in our lifetime. It reminds me of Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning and how he managed to survive and thrive during the Holocaust by finding the meaning in his suffering. Kirshenbaum's book provides many questions to ask of yourself to see which of the 10 meanings might fit your present circumstances. She asked hundreds of people many questions and discovered that their responses fell into 10 basic meanings; feeling at home in the world, self acceptance, letting go of fear, uncovering hidden talents, and living with a sense of mission are just a few of the reasons she uncovered.What it boils down to is this: you have been given the gift of a life. Don't squander or waste it. The experiences and trials that test you are there for a reason. The people or events that have been difficult in your life can teach you something very important about yourself if you open the door to them and give them a meaning for your life. Your soul is on a journey to return ever more purified and refined, and the meaning you make of your circumstances can help bring that purpose to light, to be even better and more evolved than you were before the moment when your life changed.
Tolerance & Suffering
Those of you who have been part of the group for awhile know that I enjoy "playing" with Hebrew words. I often find inspiration and meaning when the letters are rearranged to give me other words that relate to my chosen word. This week I decided to consider the word for patience, since that is a quality I have been struggling with of late. In Hebrew, the word is "savlanut" which is derived from "savlun" (long-suffering) and "sevel" (burden/pain). The root word is made from the letters samekh, bet and lamed. The word for patience means the ability to endure a load or burden. In addition, changing the first vowel to make the word sovlanut, reforms the word into tolerance. So, not only am I "suffering" and dealing with all that goes along with that, but it seems that I need to open my heart to the tolerance of that suffering. I need to make room for that huge uncomfortable burden! What must I do to tolerate that which is already unpleasant? Such is the beauty of the language of the Torah!
We each have our way of tolerating the load we are carrying. I journal and meditate. Sometimes I drum/rattle away the excess energy that seems to get in the way of what really is bothering me so I can get to the meat of the matter. Talking helps to unburden my heart as well. Exercise also helps. There are many ways to not only make room for the burden, but to help see it more clearly, and to understand what is being asked of us in the carrying of this burden at this time in our lives.
We each have our way of tolerating the load we are carrying. I journal and meditate. Sometimes I drum/rattle away the excess energy that seems to get in the way of what really is bothering me so I can get to the meat of the matter. Talking helps to unburden my heart as well. Exercise also helps. There are many ways to not only make room for the burden, but to help see it more clearly, and to understand what is being asked of us in the carrying of this burden at this time in our lives.
Good Heart-Thoughts
In Proverbs 23:7, it is said "As a person thinks in his heart, so he becomes."
We witness this every day in ourselves, and in other people. When the heart is open and soft, we are open, receptive, excited, approachable. When the heart is hard, we can be sullen, angry, even murderous. In times of illness and suffering, if our heart is open, we can even reduce our pain and symptoms. Our heart thinks! Our heart and mind are connected! It's mind over matter, in a way; that is how placebos work to make us feel better. It's also how we can make ourselves sick. When I was young and didn't want to go to school, I could make myself have a bad stomach ache so I could have a day off. How often does our body tell us to stay home when we need a "mental health" day, or, even more importantly, it actually causes us to fall and hurt something so that we'll slow down!
How powerful our heart and mind are when it comes to feeling good or bad. Use this knowledge to further your own healing. Pray to HaShem for the strength you need to keep on going, even when it seems you have no strength left inside you. You are not alone. Not only do we, as a group, pray for you, but The Creator accompanies you every step of your journey. Open your heart, soften it, and your "heart-thoughts" will be good.
We witness this every day in ourselves, and in other people. When the heart is open and soft, we are open, receptive, excited, approachable. When the heart is hard, we can be sullen, angry, even murderous. In times of illness and suffering, if our heart is open, we can even reduce our pain and symptoms. Our heart thinks! Our heart and mind are connected! It's mind over matter, in a way; that is how placebos work to make us feel better. It's also how we can make ourselves sick. When I was young and didn't want to go to school, I could make myself have a bad stomach ache so I could have a day off. How often does our body tell us to stay home when we need a "mental health" day, or, even more importantly, it actually causes us to fall and hurt something so that we'll slow down!
How powerful our heart and mind are when it comes to feeling good or bad. Use this knowledge to further your own healing. Pray to HaShem for the strength you need to keep on going, even when it seems you have no strength left inside you. You are not alone. Not only do we, as a group, pray for you, but The Creator accompanies you every step of your journey. Open your heart, soften it, and your "heart-thoughts" will be good.
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