One life. Live it.

Enjoying the last light of the day in the personal oasis that is my tiny piece of terra firma (or sometimes not-so-firma, living in earthquake-prone California as I do)... I am searching for some inspiration for a gift to create for someone special, and came upon the phrase that is the title of today's posting.

Aging, mortality, choices, transitions, all these challenges are swirling around in my brain these last several years. I suppose living a Half-Century has something to contribute to this realm of thought. What a gift to make it this far! And my father-in-law is 90 tomorrow. THAT is a celebration! Should everything align properly, we will be celebrating all together this weekend. What a blessed event it will be!

I now have my mantra for this stage of my life: One life. LIVE it. How do I make whatever years, days, months, hours & minutes I have left COUNT? Where do my head, heart, & soul need to be to make it all worthy? and worthwhile?

We experience moments in life when it's all happy, bright and smooth sailing. Then, those big waves come and try to topple our small but sturdy life raft. I recently read Unbroken by Lauren Hillenbrand, the author of Seabiscuit. Louie Zamperini was aboard a B-24 plane on the way to Japan during WWII and was shot down. He and 2 other men survived over a month in a life raft, only to be captured, then tortured for over 2 years in a Japanese P.O.W. camp, which he also survived. He was on his way to becoming a famous Olympic athlete when the war interrupted his plans. The billboard message that was in my head when I finished the book was: When life throws uncontrollable shift at you, how will you respond?

And, since this is the only life I have, once I think "it," I have to live "it." Or live with it.... whatever "it" is.

IT could be going to school, learning something new, meeting new people, mastering the art of something, taking on a new role, going down an unfamiliar path, in an unfamiliar country, or whatever might be on your own personal bucket list.

This is a poem I wrote awhile ago, but it seems to sum up where "it" is for me at this point in my One Life.

~Aging Gracefully~

Oh, Pain!
You are my constant friend,
I feel you with me
Standing up straight and whenever I bend.

Oh, Teeth!
Gums receding as the tide,
Taking crowns, caps, and nightguards
Along for the ride.

Oh, Boobs!
All I can do is stand there
and cry, cry, cry.

Oh, Belly!
My joys in life are few:
Food, wine, and laughter with friends.
But why must you remind me
I'll pay for it in the end?

Oh, Death!
Every-present and lurking closer each day.
Searching for the path called:
"Aging the Graceful Way."

Oh, Joy!
Thankful for the infinite blessings
That I delightfully experience,
And for which my grateful heart sings.

One Life. Live It.

Gifted Souls

I came across a beautiful quote that appeared on my facebook page today and it really spoke to me:

Gifted souls enter this world and shine. All that surround them bathe in their light and their beauty. And when they are gone, their light is missed.
Challenged souls enter, stumble and fall. They pick themselves up and fall again. Eventually, they climb to a higher tier, where more stumbling blocks await them. Their accomplishments often go unnoticed—although their stumbling is obvious to all.
But by the time they leave, new paths have been forged, obstacles leveled, and life itself has gained a new clarity for all those yet to enter.
Both are pure souls, G-dly in essence. But while the gifted shine their light from Above, the challenged meet the enemy on its own ground. Any real change in this world is only on their account.
Provided by the Chabad.org - The WEB2.0 portal for everything Jewish

We know both kinds of souls. Some of us are brilliant, and live a charmed life where our greatest wishes, hopes, and dreams seem to come true with almost no effort on our part. We shine our tremendous light on others. We are charismatic, ebullient, almost too bright but always warmly welcomed for the energy we bestow on others.
Then, there's the rest of us. We stumble through life, tripping over ourselves or each other, and hopefully learning as we go. What's sad is that more often we seem to focus on the stumbling part, rather than the goals and knowledge that we have achieved. Injured souls seem to make the most creative people, for it seems that out of their pain comes the most intense beauty. Wounded healers are these stumbling souls, who have come through their pain and through the tunnel, and can pass on their wisdom to others if they are so inclined. These are the souls who truly change the world, as they have been to the depths and have returned with great gifts.
What type of soul are you? Who in your life is one of the Gifted? Who in your life is one of the Challenged? What can you learn from them?

Support through Suffering

Today I received a distressing email from a very dear friend about her young son. Their names have been on the prayer list for a long time now, so that is a good thing. Her note made me want to jump on a plane to go out to see her, but that was just a wish. There's not much I can do about the situation, other than pray for her, and her family. I felt so powerless. The nagging feeling of being not in any control of the situation by any stretch of the imagination bogged me down all afternoon. On my way home from work, I pondered the facts and my hopes, wishes and feelings, and realized I just had to let go. It's not in my hands, I just have to trust that they will get through this (and they will). I can lend her moral support and a shoulder to cry on, but being a continent away, that's about all I can do. If we lived closer, I'm not sure what more I could do other than physically be there for her...
Why is it so very, very easy for most of us to get caught up in hoping to find the solution, so that suffering is minimized and life happily goes on when things get really complicated and painful? Who are we to take on that role of savior? Who are we to feel that we are all powerful and can fix it? I kept reminding myself that God brought them to this, God will get them through this. The only thing I can do is offer my heartfelt support. I thought that even if I had alot of money and could send it to them to cover the expenses, that could somehow change the balance of our friendship and what would I really be accomplishing? We are all given our burdens to get through, and as we make our way through them, over the bumps and twists and turns, we grow stronger, and our souls grow more refined.
It's not that I welcome struggle.... but I know there is treasure to be found deep inside the pain, once I can find my way to it.

We Don't Suffer Alone

This week felt like a total uphill battle for me. I finally got the message that I don't have to suffer alone, and went outside to lie down on the grass yesterday, under the bright spring sunlight, not a cloud in the blue vastness of sky. Spreading my body upon the earth, I just gave it up. Gave up all the pain, both physical and emotional, gave it up to the One Who Listens.

I know we all get in our own way often, and fortunately, nothing horrendous happened to wake me up to the fact that Adonai is always before me (and under, over, and around me)... Sh'viti.

I think I'm going to head back out there and let the birds soothe me, and the breezes purge me, and just feel lighter and more open.

The Sacredness of Your Life

What are you thankful for? Even in the midst of pain, can you find the blessing in being alive? It is said that the Creator is breathing us into being every moment. How "yirah" (awesome) is that! That this infinite being wants us to be alive and breathing and contributing to this Creation in our own way. We usually go through each day not really thinking about it, taking for granted the fact we can go to work, prepare and eat meals, tend to our families/friends/selves, etc. It's easy to get caught up in the seemingly mundane, ordinary life we live. But, is it really all that ordinary and mundane when you think about the fact that all of Creation is being willfully breathed into Being, and if the Creator stopped willing us into being, we would be no more?
I may not say the morning blessings exactly the way they are written, but I do awaken each morning, sun streaming into my windows, glad to be alive and wondering what the day will bring. What surprises will come my way? What does the Creator need me to do, how do I need to be, to take me further on my journey towards becoming a better person? When I really pay attention and notice the miracles of life around me, I am feeling blessed and grateful that the Infinite One sees fit to continue to breathe life into me.
The one guarantee in life is death, but we never know exactly when that will occur, so how do you live each day that the Creator has willed you into being?
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Unity in Heart and Mind

The Baal Shem Tov, one of Judaism's greatest teachers writes, "Where your thought is, precisely where you are--all of yourself is there." When we are lost, in despair, in pain, our first thought is often of that pain, and of being fully engulfed in it. Contrastingly, when one is joyful, we are fully engulfed in our joyfulness, because of what we are thinking about our experience. How powerful our thoughts are! We have the power to overcome the negative thoughts by thinking other more positive thoughts. (obviously if a person is in dire need of medication to lessen the pain, by all means, administer it). During times of great stress to the body, spirit, or mind, it is so important to take the time to put ourselves into beautiful places, if only in our minds. Use whatever supports are at hand, whether they be people who can soothe us with massage, or singing, or laughter, or even reading to us. Play calming music, imagine places in nature that are calming, do what it takes to bring joy and light into the darkness. It is not ignoring our responsibilities to escape the pain for a little while, but instead, we are giving ourselves blessed permission to rest and recuperate, and gather our energies towards recovery.
HaShem never gives us anything more than we can handle, even if we don't always believe it at first glance. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov states that God hides in the obstacles on our journeys, and waits to be discovered.

Chaos and Response

The past few months, I have been attending a class called "Reading the Writings" where we dissect and understand the Ketuvim, the selections at the end of the Torah. This past week, we focused on Ecclesiastes and Lamentations. Both focused on the cycle and flow of life. The ups and downs, ins and outs. It seems that no matter how much knowledge, wisdom, health, or money we may have, shift happens. Chaos is the order of the world, I always say. We can be the most healthy, wealthy, and wise, it doesn't matter, there will occur some event that reminds us we are mortal and no better than the next person.
Now, not to get depressed about all this, the message seems to be to just take each moment as it comes, and enjoy what we can in this one life we have been given. Hineni, Here am I, means to be fully present in each moment, no matter the shift going on in our life at that moment. One kind cyber-friend from this list wrote me about the line in our prayers "the lost among the living" and we know many of those people, have even been there ourselves, when we are the lost souls.... some major shift happens in our life, and we are unclear how to respond, or don't know how to respond, and walk around in a fog, or worse, treat the pain we are experiencing with an addictive behavior. When the world throws us a curve ball, how we respond makes all the difference. I am hoping each one of us can be in that Hineni moment and meet the challenge with God-given strength and find the anchor that we need.
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Vulnerability

My thoughts center around vulnerability. There are many times we have all felt at the bottom of the hole, at the end of our rope, believing that we have exhausted all the resources that we can think up, and we are left with no power or control. It is in that moment we feel the most vulnerable and lost, and the most in need of help. It is also hardest to reach out for help, for we feel completely disempowered and out of control. Even with a strong belief in Ha Shem or any higher power, somehow, we still aren't balanced, we are off-center.
In that most desperate of moments, if we can only remember that all of us have experienced something that has left us vulnerable, the most powerful thing we can do for ourselves is to reach out, however feebly and weakly may be our attempt, and that somehow, our small voice carries our pain into someone's heart who can reach out to help us. The most heroic thing one can do is reach out when one is in pain. At that point, rescue comes in every conceivable (and most times, inconceivable) ways.
Even in your most vulnerable, seemingly powerless state, you always have the power to reach out and say "I hurt, I need help" and allow your closed heart to open to the miracle that will most certainly come to you. Every closed door opens another door, and those passages are what makes us able to help others and further each other's growth. Take the gifts that come to you and use them to move out of the pain you are in.
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Everything Happens for a Reason

On this list, we deal with joy as well as suffering. Our prayers bring comfort to our loved ones, and we hope the fact that we are all joined in this together helps to ease their suffering. Our work is healing work, and that brings me to mention a book I have been reading about healing, called Everything Happens for a Reason by Mira Kirshenbaum. She is a psychotherapist from Massachusetts who has helped many people find the meaning in their pain and suffering. It has always been my belief that inside one's greatest pain is one's greatest gift. Perhaps you grew up with "less than ideal" parents, or in a horrible living situation. Or, you're dealing with a health crisis right now, or some other life-changing event has occurred. How we face such circumstances can make us stronger, wiser, happier, and closer to realizing our soul's true purpose in our lifetime. It reminds me of Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning and how he managed to survive and thrive during the Holocaust by finding the meaning in his suffering. Kirshenbaum's book provides many questions to ask of yourself to see which of the 10 meanings might fit your present circumstances. She asked hundreds of people many questions and discovered that their responses fell into 10 basic meanings; feeling at home in the world, self acceptance, letting go of fear, uncovering hidden talents, and living with a sense of mission are just a few of the reasons she uncovered.What it boils down to is this: you have been given the gift of a life. Don't squander or waste it. The experiences and trials that test you are there for a reason. The people or events that have been difficult in your life can teach you something very important about yourself if you open the door to them and give them a meaning for your life. Your soul is on a journey to return ever more purified and refined, and the meaning you make of your circumstances can help bring that purpose to light, to be even better and more evolved than you were before the moment when your life changed.

Light out of Darkness

The ancient Kabbalists say "There is no light a brilliant as the light which manages to emerge from out of the darkness" (Sefer Ha'Zohar). I endeavor to keep this in mind when I am faced with obstacles and challenges. When I am in pain, physical or emotional, it's difficult to know when that pain will ebb, but knowing that there is indeed a light at the end of that dark tunnel makes the suffering a bit less demoralizing. Opening to the Divine breath as I breathe, fully opening my heart, my lungs, my body seems to open the passage even more, and the pain isn't quite so bad.

Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day here in the US. I live far from my mother and mother-in-law, so there will be no big gathering. Before we moved to the other coast, we all would get together at our house, the halfway point, and laugh and eat and enjoy each other's company. There was always plenty of food and laughter. For that, I am very blessed. I know there are many families where that is not the case.
We are commanded to honor our mother and father. But, how is that possible if there is a troubling relationship that seemingly prevents us from embracing that honor? How can we look at the gifts a parent has provided us if he or she has caused us pain? Where do we look for those answers? Where in our hearts can we find the place to get beyond the pain and see the joy of that parent and what we are/were blessed with?