Sukkot and Cycles

From Leviticus: "When you have gathered the the income of the land, you shall take for yourselves on the first day the fruit of the goodly trees, branches of palm trees, boughs of thick trees, and willows of the brook, and you shall rejoice before the Lord your God seven days. For seven days you shall dwell in huts... so that your generations will know that I made the children of Israel dwell in huts when I brought them out from the Land of Mitzrayim" (Lev. 23:33-44).

There is so much to glean in this passage! Gathering, Reaping from the growth of God's land, toil and hard work, Rejoicing, Fulfillment after hard work, remembering through the generations what our ancestors accomplished with God's help after leaving Egypt. The cycle is complete, yet still the wheel turns. Dwelling in a hut, while it is protective from the elements to an extent, is only temporary. We're not meant to live in one permanently. And they had to build these huts, as do we, every year. We have LL Bean and Eddie Bauer if we want a tent, but that's not the kind of dwelling we are permitted during Sukkhot. We need to look to Nature to provide our shelter, then apply our muscle and ingenuity to erect it--always open towards the skies. I've always loved this holiday, as it mesmerized me when I was younger. The sukkah always felt cozy, and smelled of pine branches and other green things, was always festively decorated, and it was fun to eat meals in it and pray in it. I'm not sure at that age that I felt what our ancestors experienced, but as I get older, I believe I get a glimmer of their world, if I imagine it hard enough. I can look up at the dark indigo sky at night and see the same constellations. I know what it feels like to be fulfilled after toil, and see the fruits of my labors. Humbling and uplifting, giving me pause to take stock and just bask in the golden glow of a job well done.

Most of us do not live in an agricultural community, so we miss out on the cycles of nature as they pertain to the land as its cultivated by human toil and God's blessings. We may not be able to feel just what the children of Israel felt, but we can still experience the cycle of growth in our lives by the goals we set for ourselves. We plant the seeds, we nurture their growth, and after our toil and favorable conditions, we reap what those seeds have blossomed into, and we grow in the process. Our struggles to live in this world and make something of our lives while we improve the world and hone our souls is akin to the cycle of seasons that permits the goodly trees and other growing things to do their thing.

Blessings and Change

I was reminded this week about the power of blessings. When I create space for that energy, it multiplies exponetially. When I send out a prayer, the blessings contained within it also return to me. Perhaps that is why the ancient Jewish sages believed that people who are ill and/or struggling should also pray and not only ask HaShem for healing, but should also pray for others who are in need. The sages knew the power of blessings.
I've decided to change an attitude and a behavior... for instance, when I am driving and the person in front of me does something I might normally get peeved at, I will instead send them a blessing. It's an experiment for me.

Enough is Enough... but it's not over yet.

This has been a rather stressful week for me, and it seems to be centering on the fact that things that seem so close remain out of reach. The timing is just not right, the planets are not quite aligned.... Whatever it is, I am feeling like I did when I was over 9 months pregnant with my son, when the ending seemed so within reach, yet it wasn't the right time. Expectancy is high, energy is high, but it's a tense kind of energy that is jagged and not joyful. It is not even a matter of wanting to control the situation, but of realizing that no matter how hard I pray, it's just not happening in my time frame, for whatever the reasons.

Here in the northeast, we continue to be bombarded with winter, cold, wind, snow, mess... I have had ENOUGH! It has caused enough havoc in my life, and I want it to be over with! Not so, as we are about to be hit with another storm. Do I collapse in a crazy fit of hysterical laughter, totally unable to muster up the energy to keep at it? Do I give up? How much "surrendering to the flow" is enough? What happens when one is at the breaking point? When all the energy one has isn't enough?? A-ha! That is when the good stuff really happens, you know. That's the broken vessel finally letting in the light. And just when I thought I was keeping things in balance, keeping myself in balance, expending lots of energy to do that, that's when MAJOR CHAOS steps into the dance. What is the choice that you make when whatever you have been doing falls short and you are met with BIG CHANGE staring you square in the eyes, and you feel that you have no strength left?

Boundaries & Discernment

Purim has just passed, and Pesach is on the horizon. As with the autumn holidays, those in the spring give us plenty of chances to delve more deeply into Jewish heritage and how that affects our own growth. What can you pull from these holidays to take you through the dark and foreboding mystery, into the midst of the transitional time, and out the other side into the light and clarity? Are you where you want to be in your life, spiritually, emotionally, or in whatever way your path is taking you?

The Jewish religion and its practice are known for boundaries and discernment. How are your boundaries these days? Are you feeling strong and confident in some areas, but perhaps feel as if you're getting stepped on in other areas? Are you able to discern when you can leave your boundary more open, or when you need to pull it in tighter, depending upon the energy of the people you are spending time with?

Surrender

Surrender. What does that mean to you? Does it mean "I give up" and you throw your hands in the air, feeling exasperated and at your wits' end? Does it mean sitting lifeless in your chair, depressed and deflated? What are you exactly giving up? The constant fight AGAINST something? The conflict of your expectations versus what is going on right in front of you? A seemingly immovable force that you can't get away from?

Surrender. What does it really mean? It means geting out of your own way. It means allowing the events to unfold, and responding to them in the best way you know how. It means that if you believe you are "losing the battle" to figure out what it is your battling against and align your energy with it. Not giving in, not condoning, but keeping yourself safe and figuring out how to work with a seemingly immovable force.

In my work, so many of my clients continue to fight against forces that refuse to change. It is often a conflictual relationship with a spouse, parent or other relative, and each person continues to play the game of the other person, falling into the same pattern of defensiveness, anger, and hurt feelings. Often, they don't see it as it is so close to their face. There is no perspective on the situation. We try to find that perspective, and figure out what one new small way of responding will help them alleviate guilt, anger, whatever. When they refuse to fall into the pattern, refuse to play the game, and do it in a small, easily managed way, it is amazing what happens over time. I call it my One Degree of Change. Imagine you set out on your journey using a compass and need to go 235 degrees. However, you proceed at 234 degrees. Over time (and distance), you will end up in a totally different place, miles away from where you had intended. When you change how you view a situation and respond in a way that is different than before, over time, things change. The people that you are in conflict with will not be such a threat, and may even start to change how they respond to you! When you refuse to "play their game" any longer, you are out of the conflict.

That is surrender.

I offer this to you, passed on by a friend:

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.>> Happy moments, praise God.>> Difficult moments, seek God.>> Quiet moments, worship God.>> Painful moments, trust God.>> Every moment, thank God.
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Mothers

As Mother's Day is this Sunday for many people, I am reflecting on my own mother, and myself as a mother. It's amazing how powerful mothers are, and their influence colors much of what we do. When mothering is nurturing and consistent, children tend to grow up with a strong sense of self, and of responsibility. When that mothering is poor, oftentimes children grow up with a skewed sense of themselves, and their place in the world.

Many of my female clients with children are raising them the opposite of how they were raised, having figured out what to do "in spite" of their own mother's poor mothering skills. It creates a sort of "Catch-22" and lots of tangled up emotions and strange behaviors. Sons of less-than-nurturing mothers have a hard time with vulnerability, and tend to mask it with bravado, substance use/abuse, and even other forms of abuse towards the women in their lives. Of course, I am generalizing here, but the bottom line is mothers wield a lot of influence.

People often compliment me on how well my son has "turned out" and I accept their compliments with the statement: I started out with great material, and facilitated his growth the best I could. I believe most mothers can say that, even if the best they could do was hampered by their own physical, mental, or emotional difficulties.

The baggage we carry around if mother was "not good" is very heavy. If your relationship was "less than perfect" and you struggle with that every day, see if you can figure out what kind of person your mom is/was, not as your mother, but as a person in her own right. She may always come up falling short of your ideal mother, but there is good in her somewhere. Maybe you can embrace some good part of her, and accept her for who she is, knowing she tried the best she could. You hold a part of her within you, and if you can view that with light and gentleness, it makes life that much easier to bear.

If you enjoy a delightful relationship with your mother, mazel tov. You are truly fortunate, and blessed.

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