Self Reflection

Hitbodedut is the art of looking within one's deepest self, contemplating what is discovered, and continuing on the journey in a state of higher enlightenment. Unlike Narcissus's superficial consideration of his "self," the self-reflection of Hitbodedut goes deeper, into the dark muddiness we carry around inside of us. This "rest stop" along our journey can be fraught with fear, confusion, even shame. We need to summon our courage to peel away those layers to get to the heart of the matter.

In my counseling practice, it was important to provide a safe and non-judgmental place where this often painful process could unfold. That's why it's vitally important that we each do that with our selves when we venture into those mysterious, musty corners. To be non-judgmental and realize that we did the best we could at that moment in time. Hindsight is where we figure out what we could've done better, but that kind of realization only comes with experience, so we can't blame ourselves if we didn't act or think a certain way at a certain time in our lives. If we can make sense of things and come to peace with what's happened in our lives, it can only help us be more "whole" and more integrated. Wiser. To break unhelpful patterns and detrimental ways of thinking about ourselves and the world.

Be kind and gentle with your self this week, and with each other. I know I need to be.

I've known "something" is up, since my body has been sending out all kinds of signals lately. Tonight, as I walked the dog (I desperately needed to get some fresh air, after being cooped up in an office the last 2 days), I felt a nudge which succeeded in pushing me down. Fortunately, it was a gentle nudge, and other than dirty pants, I fell fairly gracefully and don't believe I sustained any extensive injuries. At my age, I know I need to be more careful! I've been nudged several times in my life. Some nudges were more gentle and beautiful--such as when I went walking at sunrise at a retreat many years ago, and stopped to look at distant hills when my head was "re-positioned" by an invisible hand and I witnessed a deer literally cavorting in a field! Other times have been quite painful and I am still suffering from the effects!

So, as I sit down tonight to contemplate what's poking me for attention, I hope you will take some time this week to do some hitbodedut yourself. If you would like an ear, I am available, or just contact a trusted friend or family member. We're all here to help each other, to listen with the "ear" in our h-ear-ts. Shabbat shalom, and my you have moments of light this week.

p.s. in case you're wondering about the photo up top, it's from the elevator of the Standard hotel in New York's West Side, near the new elevated walkway. I was there several weeks ago, and had a blast. I love NY! (not the Yankees, but the city!). If you're there, please check out the new walkway (what a creative way to keep a bit of history and make it totally current for today). As a budding horticulturist, I appreciated the use of grasses and native trees, and the way the whole area comes together harmoniously along with the joy and beauty it gives to the city. The hotel was a kick! A disco pool at the almost-rooftop bar, and baby hot tubs, fake grass and comfy seating up on top. Plus, a killer view of the city and the Statue of Liberty. The place was packed on a hot late-summer Sunday afternoon. The video in the darkened elevator was a sort of acid trippy psychedelically colorful version of Dante's Inferno, constantly playing scenes of the darkness and light of life's events. Perfect for this blog entry!

Back to Basics

Every day I hear more sad news about people losing a job, or their home, or they can't keep their pets, or they have a health crisis and lack insurance since they lost their jobs. It really makes me feel blessed that things are ok in my world at this point in time, but it also leaves me with plenty of questions.

In no other time that I myself have lived through has there been so much glut, so much consumption, and so much entitlement. There is conspicuous consumption all around me, and even I am guilty of that. I have 3 televisions in my house! When I was growing up, we had one. Where I live, when children reach the age when they can drive, their parents by them a new car! When I was growing up, I had to use my mother's car, and didn't have my own car until I graduated college. That car was my grandmother's 1973 Dodge Dart that drove like a tank and looked like one too. If I am hungry and want a quick meal, I have many choices of drive-in restaurants, and don't even have to cook at home.

With consumerism and technology exploding around us, life was going to be easier and more convenient, kind of like the Jetsons! However, I believe life has become more complex. We have far more choices than we need. We have far more things available to us that we are told will make our lives better (video game systems, entertainment systems, cars that do nearly everything, appliances that we can't live without, etc). We spend more time connected to a cell phone, blackberry, or computer than to the person standing right in front of us. Some technology is good and helpful and even life-saving, unless it has lots of side effects (like all those drugs advertised on television, and in magazines). But, because something is available doesn't mean we need to jump on the bandwagon and take advantage of it.

Perhaps this shake-up in our global economy will help us get back to basics. We don't need five Wal-marts in one town. We don't need a Starbucks on every corner. We don't need alot of stores all selling the same things. True, this has kept many people employed, but only while we were spending our hard-earned dollars. I believe it's time to cut back, regroup, and reassess what we really need to be happy.

We don't need "things" but we do need each other. What are some ways that you can think of that will help you reconnect with your children, your families, your neighbors? In these dismal times, fear often takes hold, and we need to be working with and supporting each other. Instead of grabbing a bite at the local fast food joint, make dinner at home, invite the neighbors for a potluck, nothing fancy, but make it a time to get together with your loved ones. You'll save some money, and increase the good will.

Turn off the tv, take a walk, borrow books from your friends, go to a park, make your greeting cards instead of buying them, be creative in ways to help you feel more in control and less fearful. I'm not saying we should all hunker down and hibernate, but be more cognizant and aware of our actions. Save resources, not because it's become the latest craze, but because it's a way to be less heavy-handed. Turn off lights and other appliances when they are not in use, use less than you really have to when it comes to water and other resources, and treat the place where you live in a respectful way. Become more aware of your impact and leave the world a better place than how you found it, if for no other reason than you are blessed to be alive here in this place at this moment in time.

When I start fearing that too much of my life is out of my control, I don't watch the news or read the newspaper as it adds to my stress level. I keep healthy by watching what I eat, exercising, and spending time doing the things I love. If you are about to lose your job, or think that it might be in jeopardy, start thinking out of the box and reassess your interests, talents and skills and figure out other ways to use them. Cut back on the things that you really don't need, and be honest with yourself. We have so much in our lives that it's too easy to get caught up in needs vs. wants.