Another Year Bites the Dust.... (soon)

This is an amazing sunrise viewed outside my back door. One thing about living in coastal California that I have come to appreciate is the weather. Specifically, the stormy weather we sometimes receive, and its aftereffects. This last week was such a storm, a record-setter in fact. I don't have official numbers, but I think we got as much rain in a week as we normally get in a year. Back east, this would be something that happens practically every weekend!

The roads here are basically storm drains. They channel water away from hillsides and structures. If anyone saw video from Laguna Beach, you know of what I write. The muddy run-off water from Laguna Canyon was running straight down the main drags into the ocean, stronger than the waves coming in off the Pacific. Roads built for this purpose are not ones to be driven upon, but that is what Californians do. How else will they get to work, and in this case, being the week before Christmas, to the malls? I, myself, had a couple of torturous experiences in California traffic this week. But, with all that behind me, it's time to move on.

The good thing about rain is that it provides us with free water. I shut off my irrigation system about two months ago. Not that I use much water in the first place. In addition to the free stuff falling from the sky, we also get these incredible cloud formations. When the sun rises or sets, the sky produces the perfect canvas for Mother Nature's sculptured paintings. Their constantly changing form and colors will leave you awe-inspired, amazed, and totally thankful for your life.

There is a curious phenomemon out here that I have viewed, and also have participated in. It is taking pictures of the sunset. Clouds make the resulting picture more artistically composed, in my opinion, as they give the photo depth, height, and interest. Sure, the sun setting over Catalina Island does look nifty in a clear sky, but a photo taken with more varied and ever-changing colors and shapes adds a sense of uniqueness and a feeling of "I'll never see this again, it's a special moment." However, viewing a sunrise takes preparation or maybe some luck. If you have to get up to go to work early in the morning, sunrises are nothing new. If, however, you are not necessarily an early riser and something gets you up before the sun, you have been blessed with a rare opportunity to catch a scene such as that captured above. I have been on retreats where the sunrise was too important to miss, and was always rewarded with a surprise. One year, I saw a deer dancing in a field. Another year, I saw it rise over high desert mountains. Any way it happens, it will get your attention.

As I grow to be ever-inspired by my life out here, I invite you to see what inspires you in your life. As I contemplate the end of another year of my existence at this point in history, I reflect upon the births and deaths that occured this year. Two events that come to mind involve some very close friends that I have had the privilege to come to know since moving here. One couple gave birth earlier this year, the other couple just lost their beloved fur-kid. One a very happy and joyous occasion, and the other one is very sad. My heart fills up when I think of either event, and I realize that I can't have one without the other. I wouldn't know happiness if I didn't know sadness, suffering, and pain. And I wouldn't know sadness if I didn't have the joyous moments that make up my life, too.

For Clara, you are a special girl. May you grow into a beautiful and compassionate woman. For Sundance, you brightened many people's lives and gave much pleasure and laughter. May you find all your friends over the Rainbow Bridge.

Over and out. for now.

Self Reflection

Hitbodedut is the art of looking within one's deepest self, contemplating what is discovered, and continuing on the journey in a state of higher enlightenment. Unlike Narcissus's superficial consideration of his "self," the self-reflection of Hitbodedut goes deeper, into the dark muddiness we carry around inside of us. This "rest stop" along our journey can be fraught with fear, confusion, even shame. We need to summon our courage to peel away those layers to get to the heart of the matter.

In my counseling practice, it was important to provide a safe and non-judgmental place where this often painful process could unfold. That's why it's vitally important that we each do that with our selves when we venture into those mysterious, musty corners. To be non-judgmental and realize that we did the best we could at that moment in time. Hindsight is where we figure out what we could've done better, but that kind of realization only comes with experience, so we can't blame ourselves if we didn't act or think a certain way at a certain time in our lives. If we can make sense of things and come to peace with what's happened in our lives, it can only help us be more "whole" and more integrated. Wiser. To break unhelpful patterns and detrimental ways of thinking about ourselves and the world.

Be kind and gentle with your self this week, and with each other. I know I need to be.

I've known "something" is up, since my body has been sending out all kinds of signals lately. Tonight, as I walked the dog (I desperately needed to get some fresh air, after being cooped up in an office the last 2 days), I felt a nudge which succeeded in pushing me down. Fortunately, it was a gentle nudge, and other than dirty pants, I fell fairly gracefully and don't believe I sustained any extensive injuries. At my age, I know I need to be more careful! I've been nudged several times in my life. Some nudges were more gentle and beautiful--such as when I went walking at sunrise at a retreat many years ago, and stopped to look at distant hills when my head was "re-positioned" by an invisible hand and I witnessed a deer literally cavorting in a field! Other times have been quite painful and I am still suffering from the effects!

So, as I sit down tonight to contemplate what's poking me for attention, I hope you will take some time this week to do some hitbodedut yourself. If you would like an ear, I am available, or just contact a trusted friend or family member. We're all here to help each other, to listen with the "ear" in our h-ear-ts. Shabbat shalom, and my you have moments of light this week.

p.s. in case you're wondering about the photo up top, it's from the elevator of the Standard hotel in New York's West Side, near the new elevated walkway. I was there several weeks ago, and had a blast. I love NY! (not the Yankees, but the city!). If you're there, please check out the new walkway (what a creative way to keep a bit of history and make it totally current for today). As a budding horticulturist, I appreciated the use of grasses and native trees, and the way the whole area comes together harmoniously along with the joy and beauty it gives to the city. The hotel was a kick! A disco pool at the almost-rooftop bar, and baby hot tubs, fake grass and comfy seating up on top. Plus, a killer view of the city and the Statue of Liberty. The place was packed on a hot late-summer Sunday afternoon. The video in the darkened elevator was a sort of acid trippy psychedelically colorful version of Dante's Inferno, constantly playing scenes of the darkness and light of life's events. Perfect for this blog entry!

So Happy It's Friday....

When you feel ready to crack, what do you do? Where do you go? How do your actions help you understand the patterns in your life? Do you react to stress in effective ways? Or do you let it build up until you explode with rage/pain/anger/sadness/distrust/imbalance? When do you know you're getting close to the boiling point? Do you take steps to alleviate the pressure? If not, what happens to get you into that TNT-moment?

In many ways, we are being pulled in so many different directions. We multi-task, we are over-involved with the world around us (think media overdose), and we don't give ourselves the permission to take a break. To enjoy a slow meal with the family. To talk about the day with each other, to laugh with each other. We don't give ourselves quiet time to think, or read a nice book, or make something with our hands. Or tend a garden. No wonder why time feels as if it is spinning too quickly.

This week, please take some time for yourself, if you don't already do that. Take just 5 minutes a day, all to yourself. Go sit outside and listen to the birds, enjoying a drink of water, or tea. or wine. whatever works for you. Inhale, exhale, slowly filling your body with air. Give yourself permission to let go for just a little while. Explore every one of your senses, and observe what you sense. That's all. Just five minutes.