Solstice Sunset

All week, I've been thinking about those poor babies and the caring women from Newtown who gave their lives so suddenly, and I have cried for them many times. Instead of reading or watching the news, I've taken a break, more or less. Letting the emotions arise and just observing them. Feeling so achingly sad for the parents and siblings and family members of those who died. And feeling immensely grateful that my son got to grow up and make a life for himself (and now with his new wife).

Today, I saw an article about the murderer. He was so brilliant, it seemed he was beyond the spoken word.

Until last week. He screamed volumes then.

These precious little children and women, whose energy has been stolen from our realm; they no longer have a voice.

Whatever was going on in this family's home, we may never know the extent of it. It is difficult to feel compassion for him. But, something really awful must have been going on inside him, for him to carry out this horrible murder against innocent and defenseless victims. His action is reverberating into the universe.

I live in a relatively stable country. I don't have bombs and artillery affecting my life in some dire, routine way. Yet, it seems that more people are taking more lives in more violent ways (there was yet another shooting today that killed 4 people). For a country that is so civilized and intelligent and advanced, we still treat our children and elderly and the infirm in some pretty despicable ways. And, then there are these senseless acts of violence.... No matter how advanced our knowledge and development, it seems that we can never escape evil's influence in our lives.

Our only counter-force is to bring in more light, more healing, greater peace, and more gratitude. To open our hearts wider. Let us pray for all the families who have suffered from having a loved one taken too suddenly. Let us pray for hearts to be soothed, and for souls to be comforted. Let us pray for courage and strength, and for trust and peace.

May your week be brilliant. Shabbat shalom.   (this photo was taken as I walked to my car after work. as I entered the outside from where I'd been cooped up all day, the brilliant colors of the solstice sunset were turned up to "high impact." later, at home, I noticed a ring around the moon, signaling a change in the weather. B"H, creation is a blessing to be witnessed and treasured.)

Considering Elderhood

Truth be told, I'm early into my 6th decade, so not exactly an elder, but I'm approaching that status. God willing I arrive there, as my MIL would say, and she's 100% correct. Some of us don't make it out of childhood. Some of us get past the century mark. Life expectancy has no rhyme or reason. Some day, we'll all turn to dust. The most precious of relationships becomes the air of memory, the ache in the heart, the shiny heads-up penny. A collection of still images that will forever reside in our brains as long as we are respirating and sentient.

I've got alot of hereditary mind-stealing challenges to overcome before my dotage. In about 25 years, if I take after my mother, my sharp, curious, and restless mind will turn into something else. That scares me. If I take after my dad, he's still doing pretty well, considering all his physical challenges. He's strong, like bull. But, just in case it happens to me, how do I want to spend this next quarter of a century? How do I want to make these years count? How do I want to spend the quality time contained in the next ~9100 days?

How do I come to peace with what has overtaken my beloved mother and father? How have these challenges affected their lives, made it more difficult, but also more rewarding? What is my role as first daughter/oldest child?

It gets me to thinking how I want to plan my last party. The music I want to play. What words I would like to say to sum it all up. The wisdom I've acquired along the way. What's mattered the most to me. The triumphs over many struggles. How do I want to ride off into the sunset?